In an earlier Jot we selected at random some pretty witty items from an Edwardian comic’s gag book composed of clippings from newspapers and magazines. Here are some more. Astonishingly, most sound so very modern in their style of humour. None of them contain puns.
She—The heat probably.
IN THE CHEMICAL LABORATORY.—“ Professor, what has become of Tom Appleton ?. Wasn’t he studying with the class last year?”
“ Ah, yes. Appleton—poor fellow! A fine student, but absent-minded in the use of chemicals—very. That discolouration on the ceiling—notice it?”
”Yes”
“That’s him.”
“Well ?”, acquiesced the tired mamma.
“ When holes come in stockings what become of the piece of stocking that was there before the hole came?”
First footpad: “This is a dandy watch of mine. Did yer notice me monygram?”. Second footpad: “Yes. Did you an’ the feller that used to own the watch have the same initials?”
An officer in the Army, seated at the table d’hote of an hotel, looking significantly at a clergyman opposite, said:-
“ If I had a son who was idiot I would make him a clergyman.”
“ Evidently, your father was not of that opinion”, quietly responded the clergyman.
Miss Passay: “I dread to think of my fortieth birthday.” Miss Pert: “Why? Did something unpleasant happen then?
A CERTAIN farmer, who is by no means noted for his resemblance to Apollo, has a son of seven who possesses more wit than pedigree. One day a stranger came to the farm, and, seeing the lad, asked:-
“ Sonny, where’s your father?”
“ In the pig-pen “, was the reply.
“ In the pig-pen ? Thanks!”
And, as the man moved in the direction indicated, the boy shouted:-
“I say! You’ll know him, cause he’s got a hat on!”
“ Generally speaking,” began Hicks.
“ Yes, you are,” said Mawson.
“Are what?”, queried Hicks.
“ Generally speaking, “ retorted Mawson.
SOBERSIDES: “ I had an uncle who knew a week before the exact day and hour he was to die.”
Wagstaff: “ Who told him? The sheriff?”
The missionary called one evening, and Tommy was allowed to be present as a special favour, on condition that he behaved well.
Tommy listened, open-mouthed to thrilling descriptions of encounters with lions and hostile tribes, which the missionary, who had travelled much in Africa, recounted for the boy’s amusement,
“ And you say, remarked Tommy at last, “ that savages wear no clothes ?”
“ Well, hardly any”, answered the missionary with an amused smile.
“ That’s funny “, said Tommy, “ for if they don’t , why does papa put buttons in the missionary-box?”
They had been married but two months, and they still loved each other devotedly. He was in the back yard blacking his shoes.
“Jack,” she called at the top of her voice, “Jack come here quick.”
He knew at once that she was in imminent danger. He grasped a stick; and rushed up two flights of stairs to the rescue. He entered the room breathlessly, and found her looking out of the window.
“ Look”, said she, “ that is the sort of bonnet I want you to get me!”
- M. Healey
I can see the appeal of Georgian verse now.