Water is turned into a viper when it gets too hot
The logarithm of a given number is the number of times the given number must be squared in order that the given number may be equal to this number.
To collect fumes of sulphur hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube
An eight-sided figure is called an octagon because an octopus has eight legs.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
Chlorine is obtained from common salt by electrocution.
Hydrogen may be obtained by applying a lighted taper to a jar inverted in water.
A therm is a germ that creeps into the gas meter and causes rapid consumption.
The Specific Gravity of a substance is the ratio between the weight of one gram of the substance and the weight of one gram of water.
An obtuse angle has no sides equal.
Distilled water is water that has been filtered or put through blotting paper to keep the dirt out.
Ethyl Spirit is a mannikin who shows dresses up in London
The process of turning steam into water again is called conversation.
An accumulator is a place where they rear chickens
An axiom is a thing that is so visible that that it is not necessary to see it.
The function of nitrogen is for balloons
If there was no nitrogen in the air we should die of fits of laughter.
A pentagon is a five sided square
A protoplasm is a person who is always prophecying
Steam power was invented by Wall Tyler at the end of the eighteenth century
Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity
There are many different kinds of vacuums, eg vacuum pumps and vacuum cleaners.
The density of two liquids are inversely proportional to their vertical heights
Symmetrical means relating to dead bodies.
A polygon with seven sides is called a hooligan
A line has length but no breadth.
A molecule is a girlish boy
A cypher is a bottle that squirts
The air is composed of oxygen, nitrogen and sanatogen.
Paraffin is the next order of angels above seraphims.
A circle is a figure with no corners and only one side.
A rectangle is a figure with any number of sides. Most fields are rectangles because no one bothers about their shape.
Extracted from The Howler Omnibus by H. Cecil Hunt