Maxims of Marmaduke – ‘Life is like walking through Paradise with peas in your shoes’

Found - a collection of quotations from C.E. Jerningham -The Maxims of Marmaduke (London: Methuen & Co, 1909). A small book,it is  signed by the author on the front endpaper: 'To Jimmy Tuohy from his much attached old friend, Charles Ed. Jerningham, Saturday, October, 23/09 14 Pelham Crescent, London S. W.' Charles Edward Jerningham (1854-1921) was the younger son of a peer and as such forced to go out and make a living. Being literate and intelligent he chose journalism. He was known as a cheery soul, a clubman full of good will to his fellow men. His maxims are slightly reminiscent of Saki but without his bite. They conjure up a vanished world - after Victoria but before the Titanic went down and before The Forsyte Saga. There is not a vast amount about him online but the obituary appended at the end is useful:

He who is drunk in a first-class carriage has had a fit; he who has a fit in third-class is drunk. 

Beware of the rich; the poor will do much for money; the rich will do anything for more money. 
It is not our bitter enemies that do us the most harm; it is our bitter friends.

When two laugh it is certain a misfortune has happened - to a third.

Were it not for the misfortunes of our neighbours, life would be positively unbearable. 

In England, all are educated now, except the educated classes.

Life is like walking through Paradise with peas in your shoes.

There is no impertinence like the impertinence of mediocrity. 

Superior knowledge is mistake; that which rules the world is superior ignorance.

It is not the mischievous that do the most harm: it is the mistaken. 

There are few Englishmen now who have a library in them; many who have ledgers.

It is not the woman man can be rich with who is the most companionable, but the woman he can be poor with.

Success amounts to little; if you succeed, you merely turn your friends into enemies, and your enemies into friends.

The man-of-the-world attaches little importance even to great things, but understands that others attach great importance even to little things. 

It is much easier to tell a woman you love her when you do not than when you do.

The best way to secure revenge is not to make your enemy fail, but to succeed yourself.

Those who have humour we laugh at and like; those who have wit we laugh with and fear.

The ordinary Englishman is a man of few words; and these are generally disagreeable.

This is the Age of the well-fed ill-bred.

If the poor do much for the rich, the rich think it little; if the rich do a little for the poor, the poor think it much.

These are the days of seventy horse-power unscrupulousness; the product of the condition is the quick-made millionaire. 

Luxury is a harder master than necessity.

Ability will out-in England, generally, at the elbows.

Too many interests spoil the brain.

Dress well, even if you have to do so at your tailor's expense, is one of the unuttered maxims of Mayfair.

America is educating Europe; Europe is cultivating America. 

Life is a short and uncertain period in which we continually endeavour to deceive others, and generally deceive ourselves. 

There is no extravagance like poverty.

There are none so stupid as the clever, and none so clever as the stupid.

He is unfortunate indeed whose good fortune leads him to misfortune; fortunate is he whose ill-fortune leads to good fortune.

Much heart and little brains is almost as pernicious as much brains and little heart.

There is more heart in the world than head; intellect only appeals to intellect; the heart to humanity.


There are many who will feel sorry today that "Marmaduke " is dead, although they never met Mr. C. L. Jerningham and had perhaps never even heard the real name of Truth's Linkman, famous for so many years. He was the kindliest of gossip-writers, the most generous of critics;he made all his readers feel a friendship, even affection, towards him. He was well known among the West End clubs to such an extent that he was described ' the clubman of clubmen. " 

A younger son of a well-known family, he took to journalism by chance. In the great days of Truth Mr Laboureur wanted someone to write a social column which would 'snap but not sting.' Mr Philip Stanhope,now Lord Weardale, asked Mr. Jerningham if he would care to do it. The offer was accepted, and for 22 years 'Marmaduke the Linkman' kept up a weekly flow of wit and information. In 1912 he resigned from Truth to become editor Vanity Fair. But that onlv lasted a month or two. Later he was a contributor to the London Evening News and for a long time delighted the readers of that paper.

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